“No” is a powerful word. “No” is a liberating word. “No” is a positive word in respect to your goals, interests, freedom, thriving, and personal effectiveness. Most of us don’t say it nearly often enough and it costs us dearly. You are not doing anyone you truly care about any favors by failing to say no to them or anyone else when appropriate.

It’s hard to say no and I understand that it’s painful in the short term. I say no a lot and yet I still have a difficult time doing it. When you fail to say no, you are sacrificing the important to the unimportant; you are sacrificing the essential to the nonessential. Oddly enough I’ve found that people I say no to seem to have more respect for me than they otherwise would. When you ask someone for something and they have the guts to say no, you realize the power and independence of that person.

Even to people and in circumstances in which you and they think they need you, you probably are not doing them any good in the long term. In fact, you may be enabling their self-destructive behavior. By saying no to someone, you may be forcing them to stand on their own two legs and improve their situation for themselves. Self-esteem does not come from telling yourself you’re good, it comes from doing something that you can rightly be proud of. That’s why needy people have such low self-esteem. I’m in favor of helping others, but I’m against committing to do so.

Use the word no liberally and the word yes sparingly and you will find it’s a win-win for everyone. The world will be a better place as a result, but more importantly your life and your contribution to that world will be better. In the end that’s the only thing you can control.